i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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