So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
