Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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