Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
