I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
