I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
