Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I came so hard my ears popped.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
