I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
