I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
