I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
