My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
