you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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