we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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