Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
