at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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