He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
