I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
