That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The best revenge is premature balding
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
