dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
