Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
