it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
