her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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