you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
