oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
