Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
