Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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