she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
