Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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