I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
