Got a toothbrush?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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