I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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