one might say we're banned from that church
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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