You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
