You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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