perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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