He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found the puke drawer
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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