I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
