Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
