dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
