I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
