You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
