you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dicks are not precious.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
