Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are my feet made of real feet?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
