she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
