What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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