i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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