You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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