i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
