what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
