you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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