I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
