My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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