Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
