I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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