I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
