it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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