Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
