I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
