how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
