oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
