Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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